Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
