My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
