Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
