Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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