Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
