Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We left the knife in your bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
