new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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