Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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