Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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