I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
