my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
