to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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