i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize