so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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