what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I could make wine with my vomit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
