tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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