I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
