apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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