I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
