Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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