Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
