What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
