dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
