Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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