Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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