About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
