he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My feet surprised me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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