Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
