I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
