I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
