Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
