note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
