Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
