Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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