I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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