rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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