If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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