She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
