First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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