So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
