I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize