when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize