I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
