is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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