i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
