i would punch a child for taco bell
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
