fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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