sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
