haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
