For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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