forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Couch. On fire.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
