If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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