I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize