i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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