it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
