Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
