Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
