Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
