she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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