3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
