these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
