apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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