I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
