"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize