Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
