these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
