I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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