My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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