Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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