I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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