You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
