We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
