Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
