I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
