I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
