Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
