My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize