I want to have your abortion
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
