i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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