Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
