I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
