I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will pee on everything he values.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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