I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
