I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
