69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
