his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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