my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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