This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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