Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
