they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
