My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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