Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
