i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
