Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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