sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
