so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
