If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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