the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
