Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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