i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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