and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize