my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
