I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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