So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
