I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She needs sedatives and a leash
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
