I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Come on in and take your pants off
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