i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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