Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
